today i had breakfast. it was mid. then i talked with my friend who just got out of therapy. i was going to go to therapy too, but i don't want to. i probably should but i'm afraid fixing myself is too difficult. my roommate came to show off his newly cut hair. he looks like my younger brother even though my roommate is older than me. also his hair is so smooth now. i was going to study today but i was too busy hanging out with my friends at the campus. after hanging out for hours i went to pilates. it may be my last time going there because first of all i have finals coming up and second of all it's too expensive. i still want to be physically active but i'm not sure about what to do at the moment. my roommate suggested having sexual intercourse can help with that. i gave him the side eye then continued typing this. maybe i'll buy a mat and do some exercise myself. also because this is the first entry, i want to talk about this website. the purpose of this website is to pour whatever is on my mind. it is some kind of evidence that i existed somewhere around the world some time in history. even though i may not be an important figure in history, i am important to me.
i woke up around 9 in the morning. then, i rushed to breakfast because it ends at 10 a.m. on weekends and i had 5 minutes. after eating almost nothing because of my picky eating habits, i started studying for my calculus exam. there were still some topics i didn't know about because i didn't attend the classes, so i studied them before i started solving problems. just as i thought i understood the topic i faced the horrible fact that it's not about whether i understand the topic or not, it's about putting into practice. exams really stress me out because i fucked up in the beginning of this semester. i just started university and i didn't know how i should study because it is different from high school. also i'm in one of the best universities in my country and it's the best for a reason: graduating from here takes a lot of work and mental health. everyone seems to have everything under control and that makes my experience even worse. am i actually stupid? maybe i shouldn't even be here. every time i can't solve a problem i hate myself so much. i know this is not true and i should not be thinking this way but i can't help it. i'm so tired of hating myself and everything around me.